My Rain
by Duckie9
Summary: Remus reflects on his memories about Rain & Sirius. It's kinda sweet in a sad way. My first One-shot, so be nice!


A/N This is a one-Shot I wrote to make myself feel better. This is my first fic that i've put up, but i've wrote a lot of them. They never seem to come out right, though, but I liked this one so I thought "What the heck?". Flames are welcome as long as their constructive....hehe. I hope you like it! Rain makes you do crazy things....Crawls in corner Anyways, enough chitchat.....Read the story!!! One more thing- I love remi/Siri!!!! They will be together forever!!! hehe...no one can stop me!!!!! Mutters threats

Diclaimer- I don't own any of the charcters mentioned, unfortuneatly.....J.K. Rowling does. Don't sue me....I need that money to buy manga!!!! Mwhaha

I let my fingers drum out a rhythm on the cold marble countertop. It seemed to blend in perfectly with the rain falling outside the glass doors, causing me to breath in sharply and look away. After you left, I never could stand the rain. It reminded me too much of broken times, broken memories. The first time I saw you it was raining, and the last time I ever saw you as well. You comforted me while I stood there, rain pouring down, soaking me. You brought me comfort when you wrapped your arms around me and told me it would be okay. But it was never okay. With you, there was always something. I knew that we couldn't be together. It went against everything that they knew, that they told us to believe. Even when we had stopped listening to them and started following our hearts, I always heard whispers in the night of a tragic love that was sure to unfold. With you, I was happy.

You were everything that I needed, and you treated me like a person, despite my lycanthrope afflictions. I knew that the world would tear us apart, and you must have choose to ignore it, because I knew that you knew; I could see it in your eyes when you held me so close to you like I would break into a thousand tiny pieces if you let me go. You were so afraid for me, but you knew that you couldn't live your life being scared. You got me to live, even if by doing so you doomed our fate. I accepted it for what it was, and although I sometimes took you for granted, I knew you understood. You got me, when it seemed that no one did. You were like an extension of myself, and seeing your eyes full of hatred and longing staring up at me from the morning newspaper was like losing a vital part of myself. I never did fill that part of me, even when you came back and I knew that you were innocent. I had known it all along, even if no one else did or believed me. I saw all your emotions through your eyes, and one look told me everything. You never meant to hurt me, you were sorry, and that you wanted my acceptance even after all these years. I gave you comfort. I told you I forgave you, because I did. I didn't feel any trace of resentment toward you. I never did, even when you were in Azkaban. You told me you loved me, and this time felt like the first, even though you had uttered those words to me a thousand times before. I gave into you, like I always did, and we made love.

The emotions were so powerful, so deep, I knew that I couldn't live without you. I needed you to be okay. When I saw you falling through the veil, I lost all sense of hope. I grabbed Harry to stop me from going after you myself. I knew if I let go of him that I would run after you, yelling at you to come back. I knew that your memories would never leave me, but I knew that you could. I remember thinking that it wasn't supposed to happen this way, but, then again, things usually don't. I cried. I cried because it felt right, and it was the only thing that made me feel anymore. I became numb after you left, even though I knew it wouldn't stay like it was for long. I knew something would go wrong. If I had said I didn't blame myself, I would be lying. I did. Sometimes I thought that it was my love for you that made you leave that day. No one ever could tell you what to do , and I knew this as well. I just wished that I had time to discover the new you, and try to bring out the person that I used to know before you spent twelve years in that hell.

It amazed me that you got through all that alive, but when I asked how you did it you shook your head and said that it was your memories. I know that feeling all too well. When I was younger and foolish, I tried to lose myself in my memories, but I found that they were never quite as good as the real thing. Sure it was great to see Lily and James, smiling and looking so happy, but it wasn't the same. I still missed them after all these years, and I don't think I'll ever stop missing them. Just like I won't stop missing you. I've gotten better now at hiding my feelings, because they don't want to resurface like they used to do. I think about you and how it was, but I know it'll never be the same. I accepted it, no matter how hard it was for me. In my mind I'm numb, because too many feelings have came over me in the past, and I feel like its better to lose myself to the numbness than to succumb to the overpowering emotions that used to rule my life.

Sitting in my flat now, after everything, I don't let myself feel such emotion as I listen to the steady beat of the raindrops hitting the windowpane. The rain is constant, and it used to scare me how easily it came down, with such force and power that you could only stand and watch it in awe. I bring the cup of tea to my lips, the warmth radiating from it feeling very misplaced in the cold. Sirius always understood how I felt about the rain. It showed me, on the inside, he once said. Powerful, sometimes gentle and calm, unrelenting and constant, dancing to the beat of its own drum. He held me on so many nights as the rain came down in torrents, holding me so close that I couldn't even feel it anymore.

We became one on those nights, breathing the same air and believing that we had a brighter future somewhere, someday. It was always someday with him. But I understood. I understand now as I sip my tea and glance out the window every so often, tricks of the light making it seem as if he's out their somewhere, guiding the rain along to where I am. I don't feel anything in this moment, and I know that it will soon go away, and be a thing of the past. But for a moment I'm able to forget everything that has happened to me in thirty-six years and just live for now and right then. I knew in this moment that I was letting go of my past, and moving on to a brighter future, like Sirius and me had planned to do.

Even though he's gone, he will never be truly gone. My love for him will surpass the Heavens and Earth, and it will follow him no matter where he goes. Just like the rain that's been so sacred to me, it will always be constant in my life and will always remind me of broken promises and dreams. Even so, it has given me something to hope for; Something to live for. I will always think of you when the angels cry, and I know one thing is for sure. You were my rain, Sirius. You were my constant.

Review! Please? Sniff. Fine be that way....Hides in corner Die fluffy bunny!


End file.
